So - where to start?? The beginning? I was going to Rhinebeck with my friend M and her friend R. They both live about 2 hours away- and were taking a mild detour to pick me up on their way up. I had sent them directions - because GPSs want to send you up a most bizzare way - which takes much much longer than the thing's estimated time. The obvious map route would be the turnpike - also sucks. So I sent the directions my friend C gave me - to try to save lives on the Turnpike. (seriously - if the universe even thinks I'm contemplating that road - there will be a fatal accident - usually between exit 9 and 7) I managed to get it right all the way up to my exit on 80. Where I told them to go left instead of right. ... sigh... Fortunately they had been here before ( albeit with the f'd up GPS directions) and M realized that something was wrong. Then M remembered my right/left difficulties. So they turned around and managed to find my house :P
We then headed north. I managed ( I think) to actually stay awake through most of the ride (usually I have serious back seat narcolepsy- a childhood defense against motion sickness) My friend M, has been staying at the Super 8 in Kingsford for several years - so I just paid her for my share and joined them. We get there, we check in, we head out for SUSHI!!! hey who am I to buck tradition - especially when said tradition includes SUSHI!!! The place is called Kyoto Sushi - excellent food.
During dinner we have some discussion over some things that M was told. That she had issues with "social cues". By someone who has serious sociopath issues. And it came up that due to recent circumstances R lost her ministry in the future Kingdom (Queendom?) of M. and she needed to be reassigned. (me? I'm the Minister of Mocking... such hard work there..) We were discussing the exact cues in question - and decided the R should be the Minister of Social Cues - since she both needed a new assignment AND had a pad and pen with which she could score M, herself, me and the general public. (I'm pretty sure that our server and at least one of the groups of diners got demerits before we even left)
The next morning we head to Rhinebeck. After getting in - you know my prime mission is coffee. Once I find my coffee, we are ready to go. M had a list of Christmas projects she wanted to buy yarn for. ( She shops opposite of me - I usually find yarn and then decide what it wants to be later) R didn't bring any projects with her - and needed everything -a project, needles and pattern- so she would have something to work on while she drank her wine as we watched the NASCAR race on Sat night. ( I think not being a race fan should be a demerit myself - but that's her jurisdiction - my prerogative(I may have been saying that word wrong all this time) is to mock her for not watching racing) My list was something for my friend Grace (her birthday is before Rhinebeck - but I tell her she has to wait until after - because I can find her cool stuff I don't see around here.) and a Knitting Noddy - so I can rehank yarn. We also plan on stopping at the wine & cheese barn before leaving - so we can get dips (two really good dip vendors) and snackies (and R can get her aforementioned wine) for the race.
Now, remember this was October. Breast Cancer Awareness month. I am hoping that was the explanation for a LOT of people having their hair, or streaks or a streak of hair dyed pink. They were everywhere. If this was their plan to be able to find each other in the crowd it was a HUGE fail. Pink dye does take differently on different hair - different base colors - whether the hair is previously dyed or permed. On one guy it turned out purple - or else he just misread the memo and went with purple. Or he decided it was unmanly to dye it pink - so he added blue for boyness and got purple. Either way it was PURPLE bright purple. We saw him through the barns on a few occasions. Mostly from the front. THEN>>> we see him from the back.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
If you have a big ass baldspot on the back of your head - I understand - it is all about genetics.. it's not your fault. However if you have a big ass baldspot on the back of your head and you dye your remaining hair bright ass purple - I will mock you. A lot. Everytime I see you. (also you risk embarassing your existing hair - and it may fall out as well)
You get the picture?? Later in the day I regret not taking a picture of said fool. However, the gods were with me on this one - because he ended up in line for food right in front of where we were eating lunch. I decided that clearly I must take this picture. But it was impossible to get a good shot from where we were. So I got up, and walked just about behind him and took the picture...
While we were in one of the stalls that seemed promising - There were kits and patterns and samples of the patterns - R was strongly leaning towards a slouchy hat- a woman asked M if she could ask her a rude personal question (well those weren't her exact words - but it's what they meant DEMERIT!!!) M is somewhat used to this question so she told her how tall she was. The woman kept talking. Apparently she had an un-tall daughter who was tired of people treating her like a doll and picking her up all the time. (clearly the answer is to kick 'em in the balls or the t'aint and they will put you down - trust me I was usually in the 5th percentile of height until Jr year of HS) but what this woman REALLY wanted to ask M - was about her SEX LIFE!!! As in did she get laid in college - does she have trouble finding partners - and I swear when I walked away - she was talking about logistics. Because her daughter was headed to college next year and her mom was worried she wouldn't get any!! Not wouldn't get a boy/girl friend (not sure her orientation) but if she would get sex. Because in High School - she wasn't getting any.
WTF??? I spend my time worried that my daughter will - and for the wrong reasons - and without the proper protection... My prediction - yes she will and the guy will be well over 6 feet tall. I don't know why freakishly tall guys prefer short girls but they are everywhere. My dad? 6'7" my mom? 4'11" My friend D? 6'4" his wife (who by the way has him SOOOOOO whipped) is 4'10" Friend T? 6'5" wife? 4'11".
ANYway - we somehow missed what time the festival closed and sort of ended up having to leave. R did find a hat pattern, yarn and needles. I had a Knitting Noddy and several hanks of yarn. One is a yarn and weight I almost never knit with - but it was super soft and named Capricorn (the Angie is a capricorn) let's face it Scorpio would be prickly. We had our dips , R had her wine - they didn't have any local brews :( we headed back to the hotel.
M had a bit of a headache going - and she couldn't take any of my drug assortments. there is a CVS a few blocks from the hotel - so we decided to stop there for pain pills, and since CVS's we were familiar with had basic groceries - like mayo and sour cream , cream cheese - stuff to make a dip with. I'm not sure what people in Kingston find the need to run out quickly for - or what they crave when sick - because really? that's who buys food at CVS- people who want to run in and out and people picking up stuff while getting their prescriptions. I think this CVS had to rely mostly on medicated people - because getting in and out of their parking lot was a pain in the ass - and trying to check out? you could read a book. M had a coupon for CVS - so we got the things we needed that they had ... and spoke to the cashier.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
Do not speak to the cashier if you go to the CVS in Kingston. Especially do not ask them any questions. Both you and the cashier will gain nothing from this exchange.
I asked if she lived around here. She was confused. She said near the CVS? I said no in this general Kingston area. She thought about it... for a while.. I thought she zoned out and didn't realize she didn't answer. Then she said no. (I kind of wondered how far a person would be willing to commute for the wages CVS pays cashiers.) She asked why. I said I was looking for something in the area and was hoping she could help. She then tells me, until a few weeks ago she used to live in the area. **headcounter** So (not learning from my mistakes) I asked her (yup asked her another question) if there was a grocery store or supermarket. She repeats with a very dazed look on her face grocery store? supermarket? I answer (see I don't learn) yes, someplace we can pick up sour cream etc etc. (I'm thinking we're not that far from NYC - there can't possibly be some other regional word for this. Even NC, TN and TX understand these words) She says like a Hamferd? I say do they sell food ? sour cream etc etc? She says she doesn't know if they sell sour cream etc etc, but she THINKS they sell food. **headcounter**
She then proceeds to give me directions of turn left out of the parking lot and go to the end. We thank her and leave... wondering how much neuro- cranial damage has been done. Get in the car - get to the exit of the parking lot and there is a divider across the centerline of the road. Basically - since R doesn't have a crane attachment on her Focus (seriously FORD? Why don't you offer useful options?) it meant we had no choice but to turn right. We realized that she may have meant turn left somewhere else because we came from the direction she was sending us and didn't remember seeing any Hamferds. And R & M had stayed there more times than I. So we decide to try right and watch left to see what happened. At the light there was a long strip mall on the left. there was a pizzeria and some other stores - no Hamferd visible - but one of the stores stuck out and blocked the rest of the strip. Not holding out much hope we drive down the strip. And see a BIG store with a sign that says Hannaford AND AND AND under the big sign - was a smaller but still large sign that said - SUPERMARKET AND PHARMACY.
Food!! So I don't know what entrance our cashier used when she went - but the confusion over whether they sell food was quickly answered. It was a good thing that this store didn't start out with it's hardware or newstand section - we may have given up despite the giant letters spelling Supermarket. We then realize part of the problem may be that Dan Quayle was somehow in charge of spelling and vocabulary in this part of the state ...
(when I pulled up their flyer to steal their logo for this post I realize they may have just took the S off of their flyer)
Might I add that I don't know what the beer tax is in NY - but it has to be pretty high. Because while I am used to paying those prices for Guinness and Smithwicks - it's a couple bucks too high for Coronas. I ended up getting a 6 of Guinness. We had some problems finding an appropriate container for our dip - but ended up with a ziploc container. And then we found ... yes... you didn't forget what our original quest was for did you?? we found...
An entire case of sour cream!!!! (Obviously they had to have a lot- people going to CVS would eventually end up there looking for it)I asked the cashier how they said the name of the store. yes, this store. She looks at me like I just got off the short yellow bus and am wearing a helmet. The very slowly says HAN A FORD. Yup just like it's spelled. Not Hamferd. The CVS cashier strikes from a distance! we went to the pizzeria on the other side of the strip before heading back to the hotel - M still was hurting and ended up sleeping through most of the race. R started on her hat, had her wine and pizza - I had my Guinness and pizza - I think I knit on something. We never did make any dip :P
Redneck soapbox
R did have some interesting questions about NASCAR on tv - most memorable was over the comment that someone had 4 tires. (sometimes teams will change 2 or sometimes all 4 tires at a pit stop) R just heard them talking about one of the drivers having 4 tires. She was confused - didn't all the cars have 4 tires? how fast could you go on 3 tires?? or 2?? I had to explain. I'd like to think I taught her something about racing... Maybe because it obsesses me so much - but I always believe the reason people don't like racing is because they watch sucky race coverage - that always seems to be at commercial when stuff happens. And all they see is a bunch of cars going in an oval. They don't see what happens to a particular car - or understand what affects the cars performance. I always think if we teach this person enough about racing - they will understand the sport - and they will love it,
This post is long enough - look for part 2 about Sunday hopefully tomorrow.
I stuck with it and read it to the end, but I think I already knew most of it, back in October when you went!!!! :O)
ReplyDeleteI keep reading this because it's so funny. And I lived through it!!!!
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